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Where Have I Been? (2019-2020)

With the new year came new possibilities, challenges, and goals. This included a bit of rebranding for myself. At the beginning of 2020, I revealed my new pen name and Facebook page to my followers: Feya Rose. All my future endeavors in the literary arts will be utilizing this name from here forward.

What happened to Rachel E. Paige?
My original pen name was created when I was a child, around 10 years of age, and utilized for nearly twenty years. It was a name that meant a lot to me, combined from the names of my loved ones. However with the years, people have grown and changed, myself included. I don’t feel that the name suits me anymore, or is personal enough to my heart to warrant being my identity. Therefore I have created something entirely new and different, something that (I hope) encompasses the genre and style I want to write: flowery, mystical, magical.

Why was I gone so long?
This is a difficult question with no good answer. I took time away from my writing and much of my life in order to deal with a loss. In November, I discovered that my long-time partner had been having an affair for a year’s time. This news devastated me, especially because I found out through the other woman – who provided text logs and photographic evidence of his infidelity with her. I took it very hard and withdrew from many of my passions,  feeling like a failure in my own life. It took a few months for me to even begin forgiving myself and healing — or being blind to the signs, for being so angry, for being hurt beyond what I expected. I needed the time to heal and reassess my priorities in life.

What now?
While I don’t want to ever give up on love… I do need to prioritize myself for once. I always put my friends and loved ones first, and this creates a dependence that isn’t healthy. Instead, I’m putting my best foot forward this year and dedicating more of my free time to pursuing my passions and personal goals. Primarily writing.

To everyone out there trying to pursue their own passions…
Never give up. No matter what sort of curveballs life throws at you. Stand back up, dust yourself off, and keep trying your best. The one good thing I learned from my now-ex was his saying: “Your best is your best”. Very simply put it means that you cannot do more than your best — though the capacity for your best self will increase over time. As long as you keep trying and don’t give up, you can achieve your dreams. I’ll get there, I still have a ways to go, but I’m not giving up.

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